Fran the Follicle

Meet Fran the follicle! Turns out the pesky leftover cyst is still around this month, so IUI's are still on hold. I was actually planning to take another month (or maybe two) off from Clomid and IUI's anyway, so I wasn't too bummed out.  I'm certainly not missing giving myself the HCG shot!

I'm feeling pretty good about the acupuncture and herbs that my hubby and I have been doing. I guess only time will tell how much of a difference they make!

I also started doing BBT charting, which is actually pretty fun....

No this isn't mine, if only it were this perfect!

He's th.. thi... thirty!!

Well, we didn't celebrate fathers day this weekend, but we did celebrate my husband's birthday. He was actually born on Father's Day, although this year his birthday fell on a Saturday.

It's kind of funny, ever since we got married six years ago, people have been asking us when we were going to have kids. I never knew for sure, but figured that it would definitely be by the time I turned 30. It's also pretty funny to think about how far away thirty seemed back then. Even when we started trying two years ago, it seemed certain that we would have at least one kid by now. 

For my husband, I guess the dream of having a kid by the time he turned thirty is over. For me, well, I still have one more month to go. My birthday is in exactly thirty two days. At this point it looks pretty doubtful that I'll be pregnant by then, but I can still dream... for 32 more days.

I never really thought about my life after thirty. Well, I imagined what my life would be like, but when it came to putting a deadline or date to certain things, it was always- I'd like to do x y & z by the time I'm thirty, or I'm sure that x y & z will have happened by the time I'm thirty. Now all of a sudden, thirty isn't some number in the distant future, it's only 32 days away!

As far as everything to do with getting pregnant goes, we are still on the holistic journey this month. Taking our herbs, and getting acupuncture every week. Tomorrow will be my fourth, and Friday will be my husbands third. He is pretty proud of the fact that he can now swallow six pills at once! Since he takes about 20 pills a day between vitamins and herbs, I convinced him that taking them one at a time was going to consume his life! It only took him about 3 days to make his way up to six- guess I'm a pretty good teacher ;)

Going the Holistic Route

This month is dedicated to all things natural!  I went to the doctor for my baseline ultrasound on Monday to get our third IUI underway, only to hear that I still had a very large cyst (follicle) from last month.  Now I know why they do baseline ultrasounds- to make sure that you DON"T have one of these! She said that it should go down soon, but that we can't do anything IUI wise this month. As I walked out, she told me "Have a nice June, give us a call next month!"

I went to the acupuncturist on Tuesday for my second appointment and heard that my husbands tie breaking semen analysis was in! In a nutshell, it was not as bad as the first (which gave him 0% normal morphology) and not as good as the second one (which gave him 14% or greater normal morphology). It was actually closer to the first one, giving him 5% normal morphology, which is still pretty bad (normal is >14%).  I guess it's kind of like getting a D in school- you didn't fail, but you still did pretty badly!

I feel a lot better now that we have a third opinion.  The acupuncturist said that he has had a lot of success improving morphology- even doubling it! So, to make a long story short, we will both be doing acupuncture for fertililty!  I figure that it can only help, even if we end up resorting to IVF, at least the sperm, eggs, and my uterus will be in better condition!!  I left with a bottle of pills (herbs) for each of us. Four pills three times a day for me on days 4-14 of my cycle, and six pills two times a day for my hubby (to make it easier for him to remember)!

I'm feeling very optimistic and exited about embarking on this holistic journey!  I really believe that it is going to make a difference. I'm also pretty exited about having a month free of doctors appointments and Clomid!

The sun will come out....

I'm feeling pretty optimistic today! No, I'm not pregnant, but the two things that we have been talking about doing for months are finally happening.

1. Acupuncture
2. Third semen analysis- for the long awaited tie breaker!

I really don't care what the results are for the semen analysis, I just have not been comfortable with the fact that we have two completely opposite sets of results from two different places. I just don't want to be wasting money month after month with IUI's and the like, if ICSI is really the only option.

As far as acupuncture goes, I have heard many good things about it, in terms of improving fertility, so I'm exited to be finally trying it out.

Regardless, I am feeling more optimistic today than I have felt in months. By mid week next week, we should have results for the semen analysis, I will have had my second round of acupuncture, and I will have had my third baseline ultrasound. Busy week!

(I did take the acupuncturist's advice this morning, and eat 2 organic eggs for breakfast!)

Alternative Methods

Today I tried something new (well, new for me, anyway)... Acupuncture!  The place I went to specializes in fertility acupuncture, so I figured, why not? Anything to improve my odds! The appointment was almost 2 hours long, and was mostly spent in a room answering what seemed like a million questions- the majority of which were about my period.  Way more thorough than any doctors visit. At the end of it I had an acupuncture session, he said that since I did not know whether I was pregnant or not, he would just do something to support the luteal phase of my cycle. I had needles on my head, face, arms, legs, hands, feet, and stomach! He also put a heat lamp over my abdomen. It was pretty relaxing, and not painful at all. He examined my tongue several times, took my pulse and gave me his observations.

He told me that I should avoid cold foods, like cold salads, beverages etc. This would be okay, except my favorite thing to make is a fruit smoothie!  He said that the best thing was to drink whole milk and full fat dairy products (if I had cysts, or fibroids etc. I would have been told to avoid dairy), lots of steamed vegetables, organic eggs and grains. He also said that in the beginning of my cycle I should eat red meat (my husband will love that one!). He gave me a whole binder about natural fertility and acupuncture that I have yet to look through, and sold me whey powder with stevia sweetener (not artificial sweetener) and green powder.  He said he will wait to see if I'm pregnant or not to decide what herbs to give me.

 I have another appointment on Tuesday, so I'll let you know how it goes!

I have not taken a pregnancy test this month.  If it were last month, I would have taken 2 by now. I'll know by tomorrow anyway depending on if I get my period or not. I really am done seeing those lonely pink lines.

IUI #2 Back in the Stirrups

 At exactly 12:30 this morning, the doctor marched into the room, syringe full of freshly washed sperm in hand and proclaimed "I feel really good about this one!". I couldn't help but wonder how many times a day he makes that proclamation, and how often his premonitions are correct.

I guess that it was easier this time around, knowing what to expect. I knew I was not going to have any kooky side effects from the Clomid, and I felt much better about giving myself the trigger shot (don't get me wrong, I am absolutely positive that sticking a needle in my leg will always be totally nerve wracking). Since my appointment was at noon, I had to give myself the shot at midnight. It was not a big production like the last time. I did it on my own, in the bathroom, while my husband slept, and then quietly slipped back into bed once it was over.

There is only one problem- my brain. Everyone says, that the mind is a powerful thing, and that I should think positively, it's just that I don't seem to be able to.  I just can't help being pessimistic about this whole IUI thing. I mean, I can see it helping if the "boys" had a hard time swimming, but since they are supposedly perfect in that respect, then whats the point? How is this really helping?  I guess I am still stuck on the whole IVF with ICSI scenario that we were convinced was our only option all those months ago, and just can't help but feeling that that is the only thing that is going to work, and that these doctors are just missing something. I'm trying really hard to be positive and tell myself "It's gonna work, it's gonna work", but the only thing that keeps coming out is "It's NOT going to work".

 On the other hand..... I was watching "Giuliana and Bill" yesterday, when they went to talk to an IVF specialist. I always knew that IVF was much more involved with shots and doctors appointments etc. But I never realized just HOW involved it was. I guess that I figured that the shots would be on the same schedule as the Clomid, once a day for 5 days, then harvest etc. I had no idea that it was 2-3 shots a day for 2 WEEKS!!! I can't even imagine. My leg is sore from just the one shot! And possibly having to go in for ultrasounds every day??? And worst of all, and I mean absolutely WORST of all, needing to have an IV in when it comes time to harvest the eggs.  Have I mentioned that IV's are my biggest nightmare? In fact, when it comes to having a baby, it's not labor that scares me, it's the IV.  And then, what if, after all the shots, all the doctors appointments, the IV, the stress, and not to mention the bill, it doesn't work???

I suppose it's no use worrying about that now, since we have not gotten to that point yet. My mother is coming to visit for a month on Tuesday, so that will help keep me occupied for the dreaded two week wait...

Not this Year

For the past three years as Mothers Day approaches, I have been optimistic that I will be able to celebrate as a  "mother to be", and imagine the next year, celebrating with my baby.  It seems each year I find out only a few days before Mothers Day, that it is in fact, not my year.

I guess it goes without say that I am not pregnant.  Only two days before Mothers Day I got my period. I knew it was coming from yesterday when I started having some cramps, but despite vowing to not take a pregnancy test until I was at least a day late (I have taken SO many pregnancy tests in the past, that I can't bear to see another negative result), I took one anyway, only to see.... yes, another negative result. This simple image of a single pink line, is in fact the thing I dread most in the world. Who would have thought that one pink line would be the image that I have nightmares about.

So I guess we are back to the drawing board. I need to call the doc. when the office opens in a few hours to schedule an appointment, and start the process all over again.  I am still feeling unsettled about my hubby's test results. It does not sit well with me that one place could say he has 0% normal sperm, while another says he's completely normal.  I am thinking that now more than ever I would like a third opinion, especially before we resort to more drastic measures. Oh well, happy someday Mothers Day to me! Hopefully next year I will be celebrating, either with a big belly, or with my own little bundle of joy!

One week to go!

Got my progesterone level checked yesterday- yes, more blood- I swear I've gotten more blood tests in the past couple months than I have in the last 29 years combined! I am not sure what it is about blood tests that I hate so much- It's not the blood, I can sit and watch people get cut open and operated on all day without feeling even the slightest big grossed out, but the second they get the needle out to do a blood test or put an IV in I have to look away! I have even in the past passed out after getting a blood test! I think I get it from my mom, because she is even worse than I am! I guess it it desensitizing me a bit- I still get a bit freaked out, but my anxiety level is going down a bit more each time!
ANYWAY, just got the results today, progesterone level 43.6! What does that mean? I have no idea.... I think it's pretty high, but I'm guessing maybe because I ovulated 2 eggs??? Oh well, one week to go before I can take a pregnancy test.............

Visualization

Hopefully this is what is happening right now....
I've officially been inseminated! After waiting for a very agonizing hour and fifteen minutes, the doctor finally came in, told us that my husbands "specimen" looked good, and we were on our way! It was a really fast procedure, probably about 5 minutes or under. He basically put the catheter in, injected the sperm, and VOILA! Then he inverted the bed, and told me to lie there upside down for fifteen minutes.
Next week I go in to the lab for a progesterone test, then a week later I can take a pregnancy test! Ahh the dreaded two week wait.  This one will definitely be the longest one I'm sure! Now just lots of positive thinking and visualization...
Oh, I also learned that my doctor became a first time dad to a baby girl yesterday!

1...2...3... GO!

I DID IT!!!

You Want Me To Stick That Needle WHERE?

I stuck a needle in my leg today!!  That's all that has been going through my head for the entire day! I know that all the people who have been doing this routinely must be thinking "big deal", but to me, it was an ENORMOUS deal! I stuck a needle in my leg!!!

And here is the bruise to prove it!
So here's how it went down today... I got to the doctors office for another ultrasound, to see what effect the Clomid had, and lo and behold- two very mature follicles! That means tonight is going to be the night for the HCG shot to make me ovulate.  I have an appointment for 11:30 on Thursday, which means that I need to get the shot at 11:30 tonight.  Only problem is that now I have to do a practice shot.... So I go into another room with my husband, and the nurse asks who is going to do the shot.  Now my husband was supposed to do it, but, control freak that I am, I suddenly decide that I have to do it myself! Did I mention that needles are my biggest phobia??

So I'm sitting there, and the nurse is walking me through mixing the vials, filling the syringe, getting rid of air bubbles etc. etc. Now if my husband were giving it to me, it would have been in my butt, but since I am doing it, it has to be in my thigh, which for some reason seems a lot scarier than my butt!

Anyway, I'm sitting there, holding the needle above my leg for what seems like FOREVER, telling myself  "you can do it, just stick it in!" only it was much easier said than done, I almost had to have my husband do it! I have no idea how long it took, all I know, is that after an eternity of sitting there with my pants down, staring at this needle hovering over my leg, I suddenly gave myself a countdown "3, 2, 1 GO!". And without thinking about it, shoved the needle all the way into my leg!!  I have to admit, that it was not bad at all, in fact, I hardly even felt it!  Now, I had to pull the plunger back a bit, to check for blood, making sure I had not hit a blood vessel (heaven forbid! I would have had to start all over again!). The nurse gave me the all clear, and I pushed the plunger down and injected the saline solution into my leg!

I immediately pulled it out, and OH MY GOD, I'M BLEEDING!  I mean blood poured out of my leg, a few drops even made it to the floor before I could get paper towels on it!! The nurse said that I must have nicked something on the way in! I don't think that it was the blood, but just the fact that I had stuck a needle in my leg, made me suddenly feel like I was about to pass out! I pulled my pants up, disregarding my bleeding leg, and flopped down on the bed as I felt the blood drain from my face. The nurse was trying to get me to put a band aid on my leg, but I said no, I just wanted to lie down. She gave me a couple of syringes, and a cup for my hubby's "donation" and I was on my way! All I had to do was go and pick up the prescription!

Fast forward to 7:30 pm, 4 hours until the moment of truth! I hope that this goes better the second time around and that I don't pass out on the bathroom floor in a pool of my own blood! ;)

Let the Hormones Begin!

April 14th 2010- 1st day on Clomid!! 

Here we go!!!

Baseline

SO, remember how I signed off on my last entry? Something like "Maybe I'll be one of the lucky ones who get pregnant after having an HSG"!! Well, that didn't happen- go figure.  After spending the whole day Friday in denial that my period was on it's way despite the many obvious signs (and therefore refusing to call the doctor to schedule my baseline ultrasound like I was supposed to on the first day of my period) it arrived.  In all honesty, it really arrived around midnight, so it was more like Saturday anyway!

So this morning (Monday), I called the doc. to schedule the ultrasound, only to have the nurse call me back telling me that I had to come in today, and if not, by Wednesday, as I had to start Clomid on the 5th day of my cycle. Fast forward two and a half hours, and I'm sitting in the waiting room waiting for my name to be called!

So once again, there I lay staring at a totally blank sonogram screen.  Funny how you always imagine that when you are in this situation, you would be seeing something other than an empty black hole. Oh well, hopefully sometime soon! Needless to say, it was REALLY empty this time! Last time I could see all my follicles, this time, because it was so early in my cycle there was just... well... nothing at all to see! I could almost hear and echo!

So the doctor then proceeds to ask me if we are doing the IUI (intrauterine insemination).  I told him that I thought we had said that we would just try Clomid and timed intercourse.  He suggested that we should go for the IUI, which is actually what I was hoping for.  I just figure that whatever would increase the odds, I would be game for.  So here is the plan...

• On Wednesday, I start taking the Clomid, once a day for 5 days.

• Then on Tuesday next week, I come in for an ultrasound to see what effect the drugs have had. BUT here is what I had NO idea about- My hubby has to come with me, to learn how to give me a shot in the butt!! What??? I had no idea that this required a shot! I guess that when he sees how the follicles are doing, and when he determines that they are ready, I will get a shot to force ovulation, and then come back in about a day and a half later for insemination. 

• My husband then gives another "sample", the doctor examines it, washes it, and then it gets put directly into the uterus, and VOILA!!

So I guess I have two days before I am officially on hormones- crazy thought. I am actually pretty exited to finally be getting the show on the road. Lets just hope the show does not last too long...

Back to Square One

Well, it finally happened.  We officially became a member of the elite group of couples with what I feel is the most frustrating of all infertility diagnoses "UNEXPLAINED INFERTILITY".  I guess that it is just my personal opinion that if you know what the problem is, it is easier to fix.  I'm not sure if there is anything more frustrating than sitting in the doctors office as he throws his hands up and says that he has no idea what the problem is...  Well, I guess I should explain how this conclusion was reached...

So I went to get the dreaded HSG on Thursday to check to see if my tubes are open, and I must say that I have not been that nervous in a very long time!  First of all, I had to get more blood drawn the day before to make sure I was not pregnant before the procedure, then I had to get antibiotics to take the day before, the morning of, and the night after, then they tell me to take 800mg of Iboprofin an hour before. Lastly they tell me that I might want to get someone to drive me home afterward because I might be in pain!! What? So much pain that I can't drive?  Of course, I get on the internet, and put in a search for people's experience with HSG's. Lo and behold, my worst fears are confirmed! About 80-90% of the people said that it was one of the most horrific and painful experiences of their lives, one even went so far as to say that it was worse than childbirth!!!!

Needless to say, I was about to have a nervous breakdown.  I recruited my friend to drive me there and back, took my antibiotics and pain meds, and attempted to put on a brave face as I marched into the hospital. I went down to radiology, signed in, and even got a hospital bracelet- Yikes!  In just a couple of minutes, my name was called, I was given hospital gowns to change into, and then the nurse took me into an enormous room, with a big table in the middle and a huge x-ray machine looming over it- reminded me of an operating room in shows like Grey's Anatomy!  I climbed on the table which was pretty high up, lay down, and tried my hardest to relax!  The OB inserted the speculum, cranked it open (sorry for being graphic), did some cervical prodding and poking, then sprayed my cervix with numbing stuff. The poor nurse was standing next to me trying to engage and distract me, without much success! She then inserted the catheter through my cervix- which was pretty unpleasant, although not nearly as bad as I had feared. Once it was in, she took out the speculum, and told me I could put my legs flat and relax-  MUCH better!

Then the moment of truth! The doctor came in, told me that he was going to do the x-rays, he positioned a big monitor so that I could watch, which was pretty cool actually! The OB then injected the iodine, I actually didn't feel a thing! I was expecting excruciating pain! I watched the iodine fill up my uterus, and go into my fallopian tubes and ovaries. I would have to stop breathing every time he snapped the film, and he had me roll left and right several times while he took pictures. I ended up quite light headed, because I would forget to start breathing before he would tell me to stop again!  Anyway, it was pretty cool to watch all of my bones moving around and see my insides in motion!  When it was all done, he came out and told me that everything looks good, and I don't have any blockages.  Sadly enough I was almost hoping that they were blocked, just so that we had an answer!  Anyway, she told me that people often get pregnant after the procedure! Fingers crossed!

I was back changing into my clothes in about 20 minutes, and felt rather like a squid for the next 2 days as the iodine made it's way out of my system!  I called the doctor, and told him that we would try Clomid. The fact that we may be doing months of Clomid, injectibles etc. before trying IVF finally sunk in.  I NEVER thought that this would be our story- I always figured that since the sperm was the problem, and I was fine, we would go straight to ICSI, it would work the first time, and that would be it!  Now it's a whole new ball game. He told me to call on the fist day of my next period, come in for a baseline ultrasound, and then I could start taking the pills! It is actually pretty crazy to think that in a couple weeks I could be on fertility drugs! But hey, maybe I'll be in that lucky statistic of people who get pregnant after doing the HSG!  I'll keep you updated!

Good News Bad News...

Well, Thursday finally came, and we were off to our doctors appointment. Let's just say there's good news and bad news....
The good news is that I am apparently a miracle worker, and cured my husband of his sperm woes!  I guess I should say, that upon hearing that my husbands sperm morphology was 0%, I did a ton of research, bought a bunch of supplements proven effective in various studies, and have basically been treating my husband as a lab rat for the past three months giving him everything from pycnogenol, to selenium, zinc etc.-  no less than 10 pills a day!  I know, I know, sounds crazy, but it seems to have worked! His numbers and morphology are totally normal now, in fact better than normal, and male factor has been taken off the table for our infertility woes.

The bad news is, now we have NO IDEA what the problem is!  The doctor very nicely said that we fall into that very convenient category of "unexplained infertility". Great.  The last step is for me to get a Hysterosalpingography, or HSG for short.  I am not too exited about this, as basically they put a catheter up into my uterus, and fill it with purple dye while x-raying it, in order to see if my fallopian tubes are blocked, or if they can see any other problems.  Now I have read that this can be pretty painful, which makes me even more nervous.

Crazy though it may seem, I almost WANT my tubes to be blocked, because at least we would know what the problem is. It just seems that it has to be so much easier to solve a problem when you actually KNOW what the problem is.  Only thing is, I can't do the test for another 2 weeks, because it has to be done between days 7-10 of your cycle.  Needless to say, this is going to be an agonizing 2 weeks.

Pretty much, the doctor said that assuming the test comes back totally fine, he would recommend 3-4 cycles of clomid, then if that didn't work, move to injectibles , then finally IVF, over a course of 8 months! Now, I don't know if I am going to be able to have the patience to go for 8 months before turning to IVF!  We've already been trying for 2 years!

Perhaps now that I have cured my husband, I should focus on curing myself!

Some things were NOT made for email...

There are some things that you should not get via email- for example- LAB RESULTS! Especially when they are not explained. So I sit here, staring at the screen, thinking that this whole scenario and solution that we have going may just have been thrown out the window- but I'll have to sit here agonizing until our doctors appointment on Thursday when we find out for sure what this all means.

I suppose it's my fault- I signed up with my insurance on line, and they promptly sent me the results for my blood work- well, not the complete results, just the part where they said that it was positive for reubella- thats GERMAN MEASLES people! Now, I'm pretty sure that I don't have german measles, and I also know for a fact that I have had the vaccine. After exploring this on line, I found that it could have been positive because I have the antibodies in my blood from said vaccine, which I guess is a good thing....

SO I then decided that I needed to sign my husband up on line- who knows what test results he may have for my viewing? A few clicks later, he is all signed up, and VOILA! He has test results for the semen analysis! I can hardly contain my excitement, as I am sure that the previous diagnosis will be confirmed- and we will head off on our ICSI adventure.... But wait!! What's this?? It seems that everything is NORMAL? Maybe better than normal?? This can't be! This has to be wrong! How does one do from 0% normal sperm to 40%????  The main reason that this can't be is becuse it could mean that the problem is, well, ME???? On a side note, I must say that the results did not exactly SAY that everything was normal- but that is what I interpreted it to mean after staring at a bunch of numbers.  I have to say I'm pretty bad at math, so maybe this was not wise on my part...

Needless to say, the wait for our appointment on Thursday is more agonizing than ever.  The Kreuger results were not there, so I guess you could only say I only saw half of the results, and who knows? Maybe I just got it all wrong? Now I do feel kind of bad for hoping for a bad result for my husband and his "boys".  I do however feel that it would be a much larger problem if it was me who had the problem, me who could not get pregnant.

So, I will wait till Thursday, and try not to drive myself crazy thinking up a whole new set of worst case scenarios.  I do know that I will not be checking any more lab results on line! Well..... I'll at least THINK about not checking them....

Oh, and sorry for all the caps!

The First Step..

We are finally making progress! We moved back to Cali, got our insurance sorted out, and last week went to our first appointment with a fertility specialist! I do have to say, finding myself at a fertility clinic at 29 is definitely NOT something I would have ever imagined! Anyway...We were asked every personal question in the book about our sex lives, my period etc., and I have determined that the doctor now knows more about our private lives than even our closest confidants!

I got a very thorough exam, including an internal ultrasound.. It was pretty surreal to see the sonogram, with my name on it, and I immediately began imagining some future date when there would be a heart beating on the screen, instead of just an empty uterus. Turns out everything looks good on my end, follicles and all. I was told that I could go and get another test where they put a catheter up my cervix into my uterus, and fill it with purple dye, then x-ray it to see if my follicles are open..... I decided not to do it, as if we are going to do ICSI, it really does not matter if they are open or not! On a side note, my husband was in the room as the doctor had his hand in my crotch, and examined my boobs- when we left and I jokingly asked him if it was weird for him, all he could say was "A WHOOOOLE new level!" Funny how he just got to sit there the whole time while I was poked and prodded, when HE is the one with the problem! But I know this is only the beginning!

My husband was told to go get another semen analysis, and Kreuger analysis (kill the sperm and analyze it), which he did this past Monday- I must say I am really glad that I am not a guy- I am not sure how I would feel about walking in to the lab and handing off a cup of my sperm! We both also got LOTS of blood drawn to check for STD's etc. etc.

We have a doctors appointment next week to go over all the results, and discuss the "next step". I am pretty exited to finally be getting things moving, and am determined to have a positive attitude, and see this as one big adventure! I'll keep you posted!

In A Nutshell

So, in a nutshell, here is what has happened in the past two years....
Our move across the country for my hubby's job was quite uneventful in the baby department.

There we were, renting this huge 4 bedroom house in anticipation of filling it with kids before moving back to the west coast, wondering each month what we were doing wrong, as my monthly visitor showed up cheerfully every month, and wondered why I was no longer happy to see her!

After six months I resentfully got a job- I had been holding off in my determination to get pregnant, as I my plan was to be stay at home mom until moving back to California- they could be old enough to go to preschool, and I would go back to work! Perfect huh? Yeah, we thought so too...

After a year and a bit, I sent my husband off to the doctor, as we had determined that there must be a problem, and I was determined that it wasn't me! Well turns out I was right, my hubby's "boys" had abnormal heads- ALL of them! Everything else was normal, so pretty much, there were lots of them, they could swim, but once the got to the egg, they could not get in. So essentially the doctor told him that ICSI would be the only real option (it's like IVF, but they go the extra step, and actually inject the sperm into the egg). Of course it's more expensive than IVF too!

So, long story short, a few months later, his company offered to bring him back to Cali early for another job, and we jumped at the chance. Sadly, we said goodbye to our big beautiful house that we never got to fill with kids....

Back to the Future

So I unearthed a blog that I started almost a year ago, when I was blissfully unaware about the fact that my quest to get "knocked up" was going to prove much more difficult than I had ever anticipated! I was clearly under the illusion that I would get pregnant the second we started trying, which was clearly not the case- seeing as the blog was from 2008, and it is now 2010!

It is kind of strange to read it actually, because I can remember so clearly the day I wrote it- I had just gone onto amazon.com, and bought at least 5 books about pregnancy, and was eagerly anticipating being able to pee on a stick in a couple weeks and discover that I was, indeed pregnant!

My biggest thing at the time (ironically enough) was the whole "natural thing", natural pregnancy, natural childbirth, natural everything! Now it seems that this adventure is going to be anything BUT natural in oh so many ways!

Anyway, before I tell you where we currently stand- here is my one and only blog from that blissfully ignorant day in 2008 (I can't get into my old blog as the owner, so I had to make a new one and copy and paste)...


JULY 2008- The Adventure Begins!

Well, I'm a bit paranoid, I've been doing therapy with children who have autism (which as you may know now affects about 1 in 160 children) for about five years, and as a result of a move accross the country due to my husbands job (which also put us closer to family), I had to quit my job. We have suddenly found ourselves at that "Hey! this would be a great time to have a baby" point in our lives- let the adventure begin!

Back to my original statement "I'm a bit paranoid". Because of my job, and the ever rising number of cases of autism and other developmental disorders in children today, it makes me nervous about having a baby- yes, I already told you I was paranoid.

Anyway, we have just started trying to get pregnant, and I'm determined to be as healthy as possible as I prepare for this. I am naturally a health nut, but I'll be putting extra effort into eating organic, not eating a lot of processed foods and sugar etc. I'm making sure to take folic acid and other supplements... etc. etc. etc.

Assuming all goes well with the whole getting pregnant thing (I'll keep you updated) I plan on being as natural as possible with everything, including childbirth (yes I know everyone says that) breastfeeding etc. I'm also on the fence with the whole vaccines thing, considering that the massive increase in the number of vaccinations babies have been getting in the past 10 years coincides with the huge increase in autism cases. Also the huge percentage of parents who say that their babies went from being "normal" to showing symptoms within hours of receiving their shots at 18 months.

Despite my paranoia, I am very exited about my "natural baby" journey. I'll be doing my research into all things good for mom and baby- in preparation, during and after birth. I'll keep you posted as things progress, and on any interesting information and findings I come across. I look forward to sharing this journey with you!