So Far So Good...

It STILL has not hit me yet. Maybe that's a good thing because it's still so early and I know that anything can happen.  I got some reassurance yesterday when I finally got to call the doctors office, and the nurse told me that 257 was a very healthy number and not at all too high- PHEW!  She told me to go in for another HCG test today, which was a big bummer because I REALLY wanted to go in yesterday.  She told me that she was hoping to see 500. Well, just got the results back.... 589!!!

So.... I feel better.... for now.  

I have to go in for another HCG test on Friday, and  I have a feeling it might be the last one.  I might just go into a panic at not having that constant reassurance every 72 hours. 

1/1/11 Am I Dreaming??

This morning I woke up, not happy at all about the new year.  Hubs and I got into a silly fight last night, and rang in the new year on less than ideal terms.  Not to mention, I have been having horrendous cold/allergy symptoms for the past week, and now my abdomen is actually sore from coughing so much.

I was due for my HCG test this morning, and could not decide whether I should go to a different lab than normal (as it's a holiday, and mine's closed), or just wait until Monday and go to mine.  I was pretty certain that the test would be negative, and I thought that it would just be an unbelievably bad way to start the new year.  I got dressed around 8, then sat on the couch until about 11 when I finally figured I should just get it over with.

With Kaiser you can check your test results on line, so after the blood test I went back home, lay on the couch, and every half an hour or so, checked my email.  Eventually, about two hours later, I got the email "You have new test results".  I logged into my account, tentatively found the test, clicked on it for the results, and quickly closed my eyes.  PLEEASE, I thought, just let it be over 25.  I slowly opened my eyes, and what did I see?  257!!!!!!  Holy crap!! I'm.............. pregnant!!! I immediately freaked out, then started to panic that the number was too high, and that it could be ectopic or something, but after scouring the internet, found many other women who had really high HCG levels early on and it was fine.

Of course I ran out and bought a pregnancy test, just so that I could see it with my own eyes.  Got home, POAS, and lo and behold, a second line!!!!! Silly as it may sound, that was actually more realistic to me than the blood test. To be honest, it really hasn't sunk in yet.  It will be Monday before I hear from my doctor, and I am very cautiously optimistic.  The number being so high does concern me a tiny bit, but it's just hard to accept that it is real. Hubs is out golfing, so I'm holding off telling him until he gets home.

For now at least..... I"M PREGNANT!!!!

All I Want For Christmas

All I want for Christmas is to be able to hang one of these on my tree.... This is the third Christmas that I have said this... I'm starting to feel like a broken record.

Well, 5 doctor appointments, 3 blood tests, 9 shots to the belly (and one to the thigh) later, I have officially survived my first round of injectables! We did the IUI on Saturday, and could you guess?  My blood pregnancy test is scheduled for January 1st. So either we ring in the new year with the best news possible or the worst.

We did Christmas a bit early this year because my MIL and SIL were here visiting for a week. This coincided precisely with when I had to begin the injectables. The first night was a disaster, I didn't screw the needle on properly, and as I injected the solution ended up all over the floor, and I had no idea how much I got in.  I called the nurse panicked the next morning, and she had me do a half a dose right then, and then back to normal that evening.  I must say that it never really got any easier to inject myself, I would prepare everything and then just stand there for an eternity with the needle an inch from my abdomen telling myself "Just do it already, it's not that bad, just get it over with" while my hand refused to budge.  

It simply seems that Christmas this year has been totally consumed with infertility treatments and reminders.  While opening Christmas presents, we got a call reminding me of an upcoming doctors appointment.  On the way to see a Christmas production of "The Grinch" I got another phone call to remind me of an appointment.  Before we went out at night I had to take my shot, and if we were already out for the day, we had to be home in time for me to do my shot.  Not to mention having to leave the family for doctors appointments every couple of days, or the fact that my arm looked like I could have been a heroin addict from the bruises as a result of the constant blood tests.

Now the family is gone, and it's the first Christmas in 8 years that my husband and I will be spending on our own, dreaming of the day when we can hang that long awaited ornament on the tree, or hang that third stocking.

Tomorrow I go for a progesterone test, and  I also start progesterone suppositories, which is a first for me.  From what I hear, they are pretty awful (although I can't quite imagine anything being as awful as the shots, so I'm not too worried!). After that, just the preg. test on the 1st.

All we can do is  hope for a Christmas miracle!!

Suspicious Activity

So, something happened today that would have been pretty funny had it not been so embarrassing..... My credit card was declined.  Why? because apparently spending $800 dollars in a matter of hours on a doctors appointment and fertility meds is not normal, so they red flagged my account for suspicious transactions!!

There I am at the pharmacy, boxes of Menopur, syringes, and other such goodies stacked on the counter in front of me, and my card is being declined! So, they have me stand there and call the bank to figure out the problem. Ten minutes later, I'm talking to the lady at the bank verifying each every transaction that has taken place over the past week, while the line of impatient people behind me gets longer and longer!  Anyway, eventually it was all figured out, and I took my extremely large bag of drugs and headed out of there as quickly as possible!

So... as I'm sure you've guessed, it's finally time for the injectables.  I start them next Wednesday, and if all goes well, the IUI will be scheduled for a couple days before Christmas.  I mean, how else could I possibly want to spend the holidays?  I did the practice shot at the doctor's office, and I must say, that compared to the HCG shot, it was a piece of cake! I can't even describe how happy I am that the needle is so tiny, I mean, I seriously doubt that I could make myself jab that HCG needle into my body every day!

So.... here goes nothing!

Downregulation

Birth Control Pills????? Wait a minute, doesn't that PREVENT you from getting pregnant? Of all the things I was expecting to hear, the fact that I need to take birth control pills for a month was certainly not on the list!

Well, yesterday DH and I attended the infamous "Injectables Class" that we had to attend before starting Menopur.  Four infertile couples, sitting in a room, learning all about the risks and benefits of Menopur, playing with syringes (although luckily no practice shots were done... yet). Then the nurse dropped the bomb. We are the only couple who needed to do "downregulation", meaning that next month, I'll need to go on the pill to get my ovaries to "settle down" as the nurse put it. I guess this is a good thing, because when I start doing the shots, the follicles will all grow at the same rate instead of there already being a lead follicle.  

A good thing, yes, but also frustrating, because it means another month of doing nothing. This will make three months of doing nothing- first because I was "accidentally" told to take clomid, then because I wasn't scheduled for the class on time, and now because I need to be on the pill for a month.  Now seriously, surely I could have taken the pill this month without going to the class first! 

I guess this means that the Menopur cycle will take place in December- What a way to spend Christmas! It will also be exactly one year since we started treatment, and almost 3 years since we started TTC!

Seriously?

Yes, I am trying to say that I want to rip my hair out right about now!  Over the past month, nothing seems to be working out the way that it should. It's just been one setback after another. Allow me to start from the beginning.....

So DH got his semen analysis done again (after a series of previous conflicting results from different places, i.e, 0% morphology, then totally normal morphology). This time he got them both done in the same week to have as little variation as possible.  SO first he got his Kaiser results back- everything looks AMAZING, totally normal, better than last time. Hmmmm, well, they did say that it was normal last time to so... Then we got the results back from the other place (who told us it was 5% normal morphology last time) and this it was 3%!!! Yes, WORSE than last time, and definitely not normal. 

Now I am confused.  So far we have had 2 different places tell us that his morphology sucks, and Kaiser who keeps telling us that it's normal. Who are we supposed to believe? Do we go to a fourth place?? I am also royally pissed off because DH has been spending ridiculous amounts of money on acupuncture and herbs for the past 3 months that were supposed to be helping. Acupuncture guy said that it was the first time he had ever seen someone's results get worse instead of better. Great. Needless to say DH won't be doing any more acupuncture.

Next problem... Last month I saw a different doctor for my baseline ultrasound because mine was booked.  She told me to go ahead and start doing Clomid again. I did. Fast forward a week, and I'm back in the doctors office for another ultrasound. MY doctor walks in, and proceeds to tell me that he does not want me to do clomid anymore because it's obviously not working. He want's me to start injectables. He talks for about 20 minutes about our new plan of action, before he realizes that I have already done clomid this month! He pretty much says that we should not bother with the IUI, gives me the trigger shot right there in the office, and sends me home to get busy. I mean seriously, shouldn't the other doctor have consulted with my doctor before telling me to do clomid again??

After twiddling my thumbs for 2 weeks, waiting for this cycle to be over, AF showed up this weekend. So yesterday I called the doctor about scheduling a baseline ultrasound. They told me to come in at 2:15. About 15 minutes later, the nurse calls to ask if I have done the class for the injectables. Um, no. She then proceeds to tell me that I can't do injectables until I've done the class, and since they just had a class the previous week, the next one won't be till next Thursday! So pretty much this will be the second wasted month in a row. She told me that I could just do clomid again this month- um, no thanks.

Alternative Methods

Today I tried something new (well, new for me, anyway)... Acupuncture!  The place I went to specializes in fertility acupuncture, so I figured, why not? Anything to improve my odds! The appointment was almost 2 hours long, and was mostly spent in a room answering what seemed like a million questions- the majority of which were about my period.  Way more thorough than any doctors visit. At the end of it I had an acupuncture session, he said that since I did not know whether I was pregnant or not, he would just do something to support the luteal phase of my cycle. I had needles on my head, face, arms, legs, hands, feet, and stomach! He also put a heat lamp over my abdomen. It was pretty relaxing, and not painful at all. He examined my tongue several times, took my pulse and gave me his observations.

He told me that I should avoid cold foods, like cold salads, beverages etc. This would be okay, except my favorite thing to make is a fruit smoothie!  He said that the best thing was to drink whole milk and full fat dairy products (if I had cysts, or fibroids etc. I would have been told to avoid dairy), lots of steamed vegetables, organic eggs and grains. He also said that in the beginning of my cycle I should eat red meat (my husband will love that one!). He gave me a whole binder about natural fertility and acupuncture that I have yet to look through, and sold me whey powder with stevia sweetener (not artificial sweetener) and green powder.  He said he will wait to see if I'm pregnant or not to decide what herbs to give me.

 I have another appointment on Tuesday, so I'll let you know how it goes!

I have not taken a pregnancy test this month.  If it were last month, I would have taken 2 by now. I'll know by tomorrow anyway depending on if I get my period or not. I really am done seeing those lonely pink lines.

The First Step..

We are finally making progress! We moved back to Cali, got our insurance sorted out, and last week went to our first appointment with a fertility specialist! I do have to say, finding myself at a fertility clinic at 29 is definitely NOT something I would have ever imagined! Anyway...We were asked every personal question in the book about our sex lives, my period etc., and I have determined that the doctor now knows more about our private lives than even our closest confidants!

I got a very thorough exam, including an internal ultrasound.. It was pretty surreal to see the sonogram, with my name on it, and I immediately began imagining some future date when there would be a heart beating on the screen, instead of just an empty uterus. Turns out everything looks good on my end, follicles and all. I was told that I could go and get another test where they put a catheter up my cervix into my uterus, and fill it with purple dye, then x-ray it to see if my follicles are open..... I decided not to do it, as if we are going to do ICSI, it really does not matter if they are open or not! On a side note, my husband was in the room as the doctor had his hand in my crotch, and examined my boobs- when we left and I jokingly asked him if it was weird for him, all he could say was "A WHOOOOLE new level!" Funny how he just got to sit there the whole time while I was poked and prodded, when HE is the one with the problem! But I know this is only the beginning!

My husband was told to go get another semen analysis, and Kreuger analysis (kill the sperm and analyze it), which he did this past Monday- I must say I am really glad that I am not a guy- I am not sure how I would feel about walking in to the lab and handing off a cup of my sperm! We both also got LOTS of blood drawn to check for STD's etc. etc.

We have a doctors appointment next week to go over all the results, and discuss the "next step". I am pretty exited to finally be getting things moving, and am determined to have a positive attitude, and see this as one big adventure! I'll keep you posted!

In A Nutshell

So, in a nutshell, here is what has happened in the past two years....
Our move across the country for my hubby's job was quite uneventful in the baby department.

There we were, renting this huge 4 bedroom house in anticipation of filling it with kids before moving back to the west coast, wondering each month what we were doing wrong, as my monthly visitor showed up cheerfully every month, and wondered why I was no longer happy to see her!

After six months I resentfully got a job- I had been holding off in my determination to get pregnant, as I my plan was to be stay at home mom until moving back to California- they could be old enough to go to preschool, and I would go back to work! Perfect huh? Yeah, we thought so too...

After a year and a bit, I sent my husband off to the doctor, as we had determined that there must be a problem, and I was determined that it wasn't me! Well turns out I was right, my hubby's "boys" had abnormal heads- ALL of them! Everything else was normal, so pretty much, there were lots of them, they could swim, but once the got to the egg, they could not get in. So essentially the doctor told him that ICSI would be the only real option (it's like IVF, but they go the extra step, and actually inject the sperm into the egg). Of course it's more expensive than IVF too!

So, long story short, a few months later, his company offered to bring him back to Cali early for another job, and we jumped at the chance. Sadly, we said goodbye to our big beautiful house that we never got to fill with kids....

Back to the Future

So I unearthed a blog that I started almost a year ago, when I was blissfully unaware about the fact that my quest to get "knocked up" was going to prove much more difficult than I had ever anticipated! I was clearly under the illusion that I would get pregnant the second we started trying, which was clearly not the case- seeing as the blog was from 2008, and it is now 2010!

It is kind of strange to read it actually, because I can remember so clearly the day I wrote it- I had just gone onto amazon.com, and bought at least 5 books about pregnancy, and was eagerly anticipating being able to pee on a stick in a couple weeks and discover that I was, indeed pregnant!

My biggest thing at the time (ironically enough) was the whole "natural thing", natural pregnancy, natural childbirth, natural everything! Now it seems that this adventure is going to be anything BUT natural in oh so many ways!

Anyway, before I tell you where we currently stand- here is my one and only blog from that blissfully ignorant day in 2008 (I can't get into my old blog as the owner, so I had to make a new one and copy and paste)...


JULY 2008- The Adventure Begins!

Well, I'm a bit paranoid, I've been doing therapy with children who have autism (which as you may know now affects about 1 in 160 children) for about five years, and as a result of a move accross the country due to my husbands job (which also put us closer to family), I had to quit my job. We have suddenly found ourselves at that "Hey! this would be a great time to have a baby" point in our lives- let the adventure begin!

Back to my original statement "I'm a bit paranoid". Because of my job, and the ever rising number of cases of autism and other developmental disorders in children today, it makes me nervous about having a baby- yes, I already told you I was paranoid.

Anyway, we have just started trying to get pregnant, and I'm determined to be as healthy as possible as I prepare for this. I am naturally a health nut, but I'll be putting extra effort into eating organic, not eating a lot of processed foods and sugar etc. I'm making sure to take folic acid and other supplements... etc. etc. etc.

Assuming all goes well with the whole getting pregnant thing (I'll keep you updated) I plan on being as natural as possible with everything, including childbirth (yes I know everyone says that) breastfeeding etc. I'm also on the fence with the whole vaccines thing, considering that the massive increase in the number of vaccinations babies have been getting in the past 10 years coincides with the huge increase in autism cases. Also the huge percentage of parents who say that their babies went from being "normal" to showing symptoms within hours of receiving their shots at 18 months.

Despite my paranoia, I am very exited about my "natural baby" journey. I'll be doing my research into all things good for mom and baby- in preparation, during and after birth. I'll keep you posted as things progress, and on any interesting information and findings I come across. I look forward to sharing this journey with you!