One week to go!

Got my progesterone level checked yesterday- yes, more blood- I swear I've gotten more blood tests in the past couple months than I have in the last 29 years combined! I am not sure what it is about blood tests that I hate so much- It's not the blood, I can sit and watch people get cut open and operated on all day without feeling even the slightest big grossed out, but the second they get the needle out to do a blood test or put an IV in I have to look away! I have even in the past passed out after getting a blood test! I think I get it from my mom, because she is even worse than I am! I guess it it desensitizing me a bit- I still get a bit freaked out, but my anxiety level is going down a bit more each time!
ANYWAY, just got the results today, progesterone level 43.6! What does that mean? I have no idea.... I think it's pretty high, but I'm guessing maybe because I ovulated 2 eggs??? Oh well, one week to go before I can take a pregnancy test.............

Visualization

Hopefully this is what is happening right now....
I've officially been inseminated! After waiting for a very agonizing hour and fifteen minutes, the doctor finally came in, told us that my husbands "specimen" looked good, and we were on our way! It was a really fast procedure, probably about 5 minutes or under. He basically put the catheter in, injected the sperm, and VOILA! Then he inverted the bed, and told me to lie there upside down for fifteen minutes.
Next week I go in to the lab for a progesterone test, then a week later I can take a pregnancy test! Ahh the dreaded two week wait.  This one will definitely be the longest one I'm sure! Now just lots of positive thinking and visualization...
Oh, I also learned that my doctor became a first time dad to a baby girl yesterday!

1...2...3... GO!

I DID IT!!!

You Want Me To Stick That Needle WHERE?

I stuck a needle in my leg today!!  That's all that has been going through my head for the entire day! I know that all the people who have been doing this routinely must be thinking "big deal", but to me, it was an ENORMOUS deal! I stuck a needle in my leg!!!

And here is the bruise to prove it!
So here's how it went down today... I got to the doctors office for another ultrasound, to see what effect the Clomid had, and lo and behold- two very mature follicles! That means tonight is going to be the night for the HCG shot to make me ovulate.  I have an appointment for 11:30 on Thursday, which means that I need to get the shot at 11:30 tonight.  Only problem is that now I have to do a practice shot.... So I go into another room with my husband, and the nurse asks who is going to do the shot.  Now my husband was supposed to do it, but, control freak that I am, I suddenly decide that I have to do it myself! Did I mention that needles are my biggest phobia??

So I'm sitting there, and the nurse is walking me through mixing the vials, filling the syringe, getting rid of air bubbles etc. etc. Now if my husband were giving it to me, it would have been in my butt, but since I am doing it, it has to be in my thigh, which for some reason seems a lot scarier than my butt!

Anyway, I'm sitting there, holding the needle above my leg for what seems like FOREVER, telling myself  "you can do it, just stick it in!" only it was much easier said than done, I almost had to have my husband do it! I have no idea how long it took, all I know, is that after an eternity of sitting there with my pants down, staring at this needle hovering over my leg, I suddenly gave myself a countdown "3, 2, 1 GO!". And without thinking about it, shoved the needle all the way into my leg!!  I have to admit, that it was not bad at all, in fact, I hardly even felt it!  Now, I had to pull the plunger back a bit, to check for blood, making sure I had not hit a blood vessel (heaven forbid! I would have had to start all over again!). The nurse gave me the all clear, and I pushed the plunger down and injected the saline solution into my leg!

I immediately pulled it out, and OH MY GOD, I'M BLEEDING!  I mean blood poured out of my leg, a few drops even made it to the floor before I could get paper towels on it!! The nurse said that I must have nicked something on the way in! I don't think that it was the blood, but just the fact that I had stuck a needle in my leg, made me suddenly feel like I was about to pass out! I pulled my pants up, disregarding my bleeding leg, and flopped down on the bed as I felt the blood drain from my face. The nurse was trying to get me to put a band aid on my leg, but I said no, I just wanted to lie down. She gave me a couple of syringes, and a cup for my hubby's "donation" and I was on my way! All I had to do was go and pick up the prescription!

Fast forward to 7:30 pm, 4 hours until the moment of truth! I hope that this goes better the second time around and that I don't pass out on the bathroom floor in a pool of my own blood! ;)

Let the Hormones Begin!

April 14th 2010- 1st day on Clomid!! 

Here we go!!!

Baseline

SO, remember how I signed off on my last entry? Something like "Maybe I'll be one of the lucky ones who get pregnant after having an HSG"!! Well, that didn't happen- go figure.  After spending the whole day Friday in denial that my period was on it's way despite the many obvious signs (and therefore refusing to call the doctor to schedule my baseline ultrasound like I was supposed to on the first day of my period) it arrived.  In all honesty, it really arrived around midnight, so it was more like Saturday anyway!

So this morning (Monday), I called the doc. to schedule the ultrasound, only to have the nurse call me back telling me that I had to come in today, and if not, by Wednesday, as I had to start Clomid on the 5th day of my cycle. Fast forward two and a half hours, and I'm sitting in the waiting room waiting for my name to be called!

So once again, there I lay staring at a totally blank sonogram screen.  Funny how you always imagine that when you are in this situation, you would be seeing something other than an empty black hole. Oh well, hopefully sometime soon! Needless to say, it was REALLY empty this time! Last time I could see all my follicles, this time, because it was so early in my cycle there was just... well... nothing at all to see! I could almost hear and echo!

So the doctor then proceeds to ask me if we are doing the IUI (intrauterine insemination).  I told him that I thought we had said that we would just try Clomid and timed intercourse.  He suggested that we should go for the IUI, which is actually what I was hoping for.  I just figure that whatever would increase the odds, I would be game for.  So here is the plan...

• On Wednesday, I start taking the Clomid, once a day for 5 days.

• Then on Tuesday next week, I come in for an ultrasound to see what effect the drugs have had. BUT here is what I had NO idea about- My hubby has to come with me, to learn how to give me a shot in the butt!! What??? I had no idea that this required a shot! I guess that when he sees how the follicles are doing, and when he determines that they are ready, I will get a shot to force ovulation, and then come back in about a day and a half later for insemination. 

• My husband then gives another "sample", the doctor examines it, washes it, and then it gets put directly into the uterus, and VOILA!!

So I guess I have two days before I am officially on hormones- crazy thought. I am actually pretty exited to finally be getting the show on the road. Lets just hope the show does not last too long...

Back to Square One

Well, it finally happened.  We officially became a member of the elite group of couples with what I feel is the most frustrating of all infertility diagnoses "UNEXPLAINED INFERTILITY".  I guess that it is just my personal opinion that if you know what the problem is, it is easier to fix.  I'm not sure if there is anything more frustrating than sitting in the doctors office as he throws his hands up and says that he has no idea what the problem is...  Well, I guess I should explain how this conclusion was reached...

So I went to get the dreaded HSG on Thursday to check to see if my tubes are open, and I must say that I have not been that nervous in a very long time!  First of all, I had to get more blood drawn the day before to make sure I was not pregnant before the procedure, then I had to get antibiotics to take the day before, the morning of, and the night after, then they tell me to take 800mg of Iboprofin an hour before. Lastly they tell me that I might want to get someone to drive me home afterward because I might be in pain!! What? So much pain that I can't drive?  Of course, I get on the internet, and put in a search for people's experience with HSG's. Lo and behold, my worst fears are confirmed! About 80-90% of the people said that it was one of the most horrific and painful experiences of their lives, one even went so far as to say that it was worse than childbirth!!!!

Needless to say, I was about to have a nervous breakdown.  I recruited my friend to drive me there and back, took my antibiotics and pain meds, and attempted to put on a brave face as I marched into the hospital. I went down to radiology, signed in, and even got a hospital bracelet- Yikes!  In just a couple of minutes, my name was called, I was given hospital gowns to change into, and then the nurse took me into an enormous room, with a big table in the middle and a huge x-ray machine looming over it- reminded me of an operating room in shows like Grey's Anatomy!  I climbed on the table which was pretty high up, lay down, and tried my hardest to relax!  The OB inserted the speculum, cranked it open (sorry for being graphic), did some cervical prodding and poking, then sprayed my cervix with numbing stuff. The poor nurse was standing next to me trying to engage and distract me, without much success! She then inserted the catheter through my cervix- which was pretty unpleasant, although not nearly as bad as I had feared. Once it was in, she took out the speculum, and told me I could put my legs flat and relax-  MUCH better!

Then the moment of truth! The doctor came in, told me that he was going to do the x-rays, he positioned a big monitor so that I could watch, which was pretty cool actually! The OB then injected the iodine, I actually didn't feel a thing! I was expecting excruciating pain! I watched the iodine fill up my uterus, and go into my fallopian tubes and ovaries. I would have to stop breathing every time he snapped the film, and he had me roll left and right several times while he took pictures. I ended up quite light headed, because I would forget to start breathing before he would tell me to stop again!  Anyway, it was pretty cool to watch all of my bones moving around and see my insides in motion!  When it was all done, he came out and told me that everything looks good, and I don't have any blockages.  Sadly enough I was almost hoping that they were blocked, just so that we had an answer!  Anyway, she told me that people often get pregnant after the procedure! Fingers crossed!

I was back changing into my clothes in about 20 minutes, and felt rather like a squid for the next 2 days as the iodine made it's way out of my system!  I called the doctor, and told him that we would try Clomid. The fact that we may be doing months of Clomid, injectibles etc. before trying IVF finally sunk in.  I NEVER thought that this would be our story- I always figured that since the sperm was the problem, and I was fine, we would go straight to ICSI, it would work the first time, and that would be it!  Now it's a whole new ball game. He told me to call on the fist day of my next period, come in for a baseline ultrasound, and then I could start taking the pills! It is actually pretty crazy to think that in a couple weeks I could be on fertility drugs! But hey, maybe I'll be in that lucky statistic of people who get pregnant after doing the HSG!  I'll keep you updated!

Good News Bad News...

Well, Thursday finally came, and we were off to our doctors appointment. Let's just say there's good news and bad news....
The good news is that I am apparently a miracle worker, and cured my husband of his sperm woes!  I guess I should say, that upon hearing that my husbands sperm morphology was 0%, I did a ton of research, bought a bunch of supplements proven effective in various studies, and have basically been treating my husband as a lab rat for the past three months giving him everything from pycnogenol, to selenium, zinc etc.-  no less than 10 pills a day!  I know, I know, sounds crazy, but it seems to have worked! His numbers and morphology are totally normal now, in fact better than normal, and male factor has been taken off the table for our infertility woes.

The bad news is, now we have NO IDEA what the problem is!  The doctor very nicely said that we fall into that very convenient category of "unexplained infertility". Great.  The last step is for me to get a Hysterosalpingography, or HSG for short.  I am not too exited about this, as basically they put a catheter up into my uterus, and fill it with purple dye while x-raying it, in order to see if my fallopian tubes are blocked, or if they can see any other problems.  Now I have read that this can be pretty painful, which makes me even more nervous.

Crazy though it may seem, I almost WANT my tubes to be blocked, because at least we would know what the problem is. It just seems that it has to be so much easier to solve a problem when you actually KNOW what the problem is.  Only thing is, I can't do the test for another 2 weeks, because it has to be done between days 7-10 of your cycle.  Needless to say, this is going to be an agonizing 2 weeks.

Pretty much, the doctor said that assuming the test comes back totally fine, he would recommend 3-4 cycles of clomid, then if that didn't work, move to injectibles , then finally IVF, over a course of 8 months! Now, I don't know if I am going to be able to have the patience to go for 8 months before turning to IVF!  We've already been trying for 2 years!

Perhaps now that I have cured my husband, I should focus on curing myself!

Some things were NOT made for email...

There are some things that you should not get via email- for example- LAB RESULTS! Especially when they are not explained. So I sit here, staring at the screen, thinking that this whole scenario and solution that we have going may just have been thrown out the window- but I'll have to sit here agonizing until our doctors appointment on Thursday when we find out for sure what this all means.

I suppose it's my fault- I signed up with my insurance on line, and they promptly sent me the results for my blood work- well, not the complete results, just the part where they said that it was positive for reubella- thats GERMAN MEASLES people! Now, I'm pretty sure that I don't have german measles, and I also know for a fact that I have had the vaccine. After exploring this on line, I found that it could have been positive because I have the antibodies in my blood from said vaccine, which I guess is a good thing....

SO I then decided that I needed to sign my husband up on line- who knows what test results he may have for my viewing? A few clicks later, he is all signed up, and VOILA! He has test results for the semen analysis! I can hardly contain my excitement, as I am sure that the previous diagnosis will be confirmed- and we will head off on our ICSI adventure.... But wait!! What's this?? It seems that everything is NORMAL? Maybe better than normal?? This can't be! This has to be wrong! How does one do from 0% normal sperm to 40%????  The main reason that this can't be is becuse it could mean that the problem is, well, ME???? On a side note, I must say that the results did not exactly SAY that everything was normal- but that is what I interpreted it to mean after staring at a bunch of numbers.  I have to say I'm pretty bad at math, so maybe this was not wise on my part...

Needless to say, the wait for our appointment on Thursday is more agonizing than ever.  The Kreuger results were not there, so I guess you could only say I only saw half of the results, and who knows? Maybe I just got it all wrong? Now I do feel kind of bad for hoping for a bad result for my husband and his "boys".  I do however feel that it would be a much larger problem if it was me who had the problem, me who could not get pregnant.

So, I will wait till Thursday, and try not to drive myself crazy thinking up a whole new set of worst case scenarios.  I do know that I will not be checking any more lab results on line! Well..... I'll at least THINK about not checking them....

Oh, and sorry for all the caps!

The First Step..

We are finally making progress! We moved back to Cali, got our insurance sorted out, and last week went to our first appointment with a fertility specialist! I do have to say, finding myself at a fertility clinic at 29 is definitely NOT something I would have ever imagined! Anyway...We were asked every personal question in the book about our sex lives, my period etc., and I have determined that the doctor now knows more about our private lives than even our closest confidants!

I got a very thorough exam, including an internal ultrasound.. It was pretty surreal to see the sonogram, with my name on it, and I immediately began imagining some future date when there would be a heart beating on the screen, instead of just an empty uterus. Turns out everything looks good on my end, follicles and all. I was told that I could go and get another test where they put a catheter up my cervix into my uterus, and fill it with purple dye, then x-ray it to see if my follicles are open..... I decided not to do it, as if we are going to do ICSI, it really does not matter if they are open or not! On a side note, my husband was in the room as the doctor had his hand in my crotch, and examined my boobs- when we left and I jokingly asked him if it was weird for him, all he could say was "A WHOOOOLE new level!" Funny how he just got to sit there the whole time while I was poked and prodded, when HE is the one with the problem! But I know this is only the beginning!

My husband was told to go get another semen analysis, and Kreuger analysis (kill the sperm and analyze it), which he did this past Monday- I must say I am really glad that I am not a guy- I am not sure how I would feel about walking in to the lab and handing off a cup of my sperm! We both also got LOTS of blood drawn to check for STD's etc. etc.

We have a doctors appointment next week to go over all the results, and discuss the "next step". I am pretty exited to finally be getting things moving, and am determined to have a positive attitude, and see this as one big adventure! I'll keep you posted!

In A Nutshell

So, in a nutshell, here is what has happened in the past two years....
Our move across the country for my hubby's job was quite uneventful in the baby department.

There we were, renting this huge 4 bedroom house in anticipation of filling it with kids before moving back to the west coast, wondering each month what we were doing wrong, as my monthly visitor showed up cheerfully every month, and wondered why I was no longer happy to see her!

After six months I resentfully got a job- I had been holding off in my determination to get pregnant, as I my plan was to be stay at home mom until moving back to California- they could be old enough to go to preschool, and I would go back to work! Perfect huh? Yeah, we thought so too...

After a year and a bit, I sent my husband off to the doctor, as we had determined that there must be a problem, and I was determined that it wasn't me! Well turns out I was right, my hubby's "boys" had abnormal heads- ALL of them! Everything else was normal, so pretty much, there were lots of them, they could swim, but once the got to the egg, they could not get in. So essentially the doctor told him that ICSI would be the only real option (it's like IVF, but they go the extra step, and actually inject the sperm into the egg). Of course it's more expensive than IVF too!

So, long story short, a few months later, his company offered to bring him back to Cali early for another job, and we jumped at the chance. Sadly, we said goodbye to our big beautiful house that we never got to fill with kids....

Back to the Future

So I unearthed a blog that I started almost a year ago, when I was blissfully unaware about the fact that my quest to get "knocked up" was going to prove much more difficult than I had ever anticipated! I was clearly under the illusion that I would get pregnant the second we started trying, which was clearly not the case- seeing as the blog was from 2008, and it is now 2010!

It is kind of strange to read it actually, because I can remember so clearly the day I wrote it- I had just gone onto amazon.com, and bought at least 5 books about pregnancy, and was eagerly anticipating being able to pee on a stick in a couple weeks and discover that I was, indeed pregnant!

My biggest thing at the time (ironically enough) was the whole "natural thing", natural pregnancy, natural childbirth, natural everything! Now it seems that this adventure is going to be anything BUT natural in oh so many ways!

Anyway, before I tell you where we currently stand- here is my one and only blog from that blissfully ignorant day in 2008 (I can't get into my old blog as the owner, so I had to make a new one and copy and paste)...


JULY 2008- The Adventure Begins!

Well, I'm a bit paranoid, I've been doing therapy with children who have autism (which as you may know now affects about 1 in 160 children) for about five years, and as a result of a move accross the country due to my husbands job (which also put us closer to family), I had to quit my job. We have suddenly found ourselves at that "Hey! this would be a great time to have a baby" point in our lives- let the adventure begin!

Back to my original statement "I'm a bit paranoid". Because of my job, and the ever rising number of cases of autism and other developmental disorders in children today, it makes me nervous about having a baby- yes, I already told you I was paranoid.

Anyway, we have just started trying to get pregnant, and I'm determined to be as healthy as possible as I prepare for this. I am naturally a health nut, but I'll be putting extra effort into eating organic, not eating a lot of processed foods and sugar etc. I'm making sure to take folic acid and other supplements... etc. etc. etc.

Assuming all goes well with the whole getting pregnant thing (I'll keep you updated) I plan on being as natural as possible with everything, including childbirth (yes I know everyone says that) breastfeeding etc. I'm also on the fence with the whole vaccines thing, considering that the massive increase in the number of vaccinations babies have been getting in the past 10 years coincides with the huge increase in autism cases. Also the huge percentage of parents who say that their babies went from being "normal" to showing symptoms within hours of receiving their shots at 18 months.

Despite my paranoia, I am very exited about my "natural baby" journey. I'll be doing my research into all things good for mom and baby- in preparation, during and after birth. I'll keep you posted as things progress, and on any interesting information and findings I come across. I look forward to sharing this journey with you!